different one :P
I just realized i only post when i’m pissed off so i’m going to try writing in a good mood this time haha. Well, technically i’m never in a good mood but i’m feeling more lively at least. :) i just want to put down in words that i don’t want to be hateful or stand offish or cold towards people. It’s just sometimes i can’t help it. I’m trying to change; i really am. It’s hard.i’m grateful for the people who’ve stood by me through it all though. I’ve not made very made close friends… Or…. Idk… Relationships i guess, throughout the years but there are people who pushed past all my bullshit and stuck by me. I’m really happy now they did. I wouldn’t be able to get through anything without them. And also, i love them although at this point in my life i can’t say that out loud. Maybe someday soon.
stop repeat. stop repeat.
Fuck everyone. Idk how to say exactly what my thoughts are on anything and… Just fuck you. I shouldn’t have to explain anything anyway. These thoughts are my own and i don’t need any other person judging them and i don’t need everyone’s company in exchange for them. So fuck you.
fucked it up again
Ugh….
i feel like an utter disappointment. it’s stupid. i’m stupid. what the fuck was i thinking? or, rather, am thinking. i just want to put everything behind me. i should just go back to sleep. dream it all away.
inb4 hipster i really relate to this song.
L’appel du vide
I feel like if i don’t do something to change my life, i’m going to spiral into a horrible, horrible mess of an existence- one that i’ve had a small glimpse of- but for some strange reason i just can’t change. the best way to describe it is “l’appel du vide”. It means “the call of the void”. At least that’s the closest i’ve ever come to describing it. I have absolutely nothing going for me, no friends, no reliable family, no job, no proper way of going about things… literally nothing; not even a little motivation. and i can’t stop myself from being this way. I. JUST. CAN’T. because the void calls.
:)
Sometimes when i have too much to say, I just stop, remember everything, and keep my mouth shut.
“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.
people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other
one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.
we are afraid.
our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.
it hasn’t told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.
or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone
untouched
unspoken to
watering a plant.”
— Charles Bukowski (Love is a Dog From Hell: Poems, 1974-1977)
’s just how i feel
